Peggy Sue

Peggy Sue.............

by Jerry Wayne Kiser on Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 8:44pm

I have a couple questions
To ask you Peggy Sue.
Cause I want to see my children
Grow up to be like you.
I'd like to see them follow
In your footsteps full of grace.
And to see that look of happiness
Forever on their face.
So if you please could spare me
A few minutes before you go
There are a couple things
I really need to know.
When you come upon a stranger
Who isn't very kind
And you keep that smile upon your face
What's going through your mind?
When the cupboard's looking empty
With six hungry mouths to feed
How did you always manage
To give them what they need?
I know you're in a hurry.
You've lots of things to do.
But I really need some answers.
Won't you help me Peggy Sue?
Why did the gossip of the neighbors
Never seem to reach your ear?
When a storm would scare the babies
How did you calm their fear?
When all the rowdy children
Stormed in from everywhere
Why did you fix them hoe cakes
Instead of pulling out your hair?
When your husband wasn't working
You stayed loyal through and through.
Where did you get the patience?
How did you do it Peggy Sue?
I see that someone's coming
To take you to your Grace.
I know that you've been longing
To gaze upon His face.
So I won't keep you waiting.
Your journey has been long.
To delay it one more second
Would be so very wrong.
I know the answer to my questions
From years of watching you.
If you fill your heart with love each day
You'll be like Peggy Sue.

Lives are changed Forever~ Reflection on a Rainy Day

It's a dreary day again here in Carolina. I'm counting the days til Spring. A warm sunshiney day always makes me feel better automatically! I'm putting off the chores for awhile. Have feed the chickens, because if I don't, by 9 am at least one will make its way out of the fence..The rest can wait. I am in a mode of reflection. For some reason I think about death alot. I am not morbid so to speak, it just crosses my mind alot. Maybe someday I should become a Grief Counselor or something. I've certainly thought enough about it. It may have something to do with that dreadful night back in May 1970.  My father had gone to a retirement dinner for a co-worker and was sporting a new Ford Ltd that he had recently purchased. We knew he was later than normal coming in, but, with mama saying nothing, I went onto bed as usual. Back in those days, 9pm was the max for a school night. A knock came to the door around midnite and I heard my mother breaking down. We were told that daddy had a car accident, hit a telephone pole and had died instantly. OMG! NO!  He was 39 yrs old. And I was only 11. I loved my daddy so much and now he was gone..We went on with our lives as most folks do, but, it was never the same. I don't know what my mother was thinking when she decided to have him lay at rest in our living room instead of the funeral home, but, that holds dark memories for me. As I said, he had a head injury and the funeral home guys did not do a good job covering that up. I will never forget the moment I saw him lying there with obvious makeup on his face and dried blood in his hair. It was a frightening thing to have to endure, very much so at my age. I had to sleep in the same house with my deceased father in our living room for a couple of days. Oh well, the things people do..Tho it was totally acceptable back then, it wasn't to me..But I wasn't ask..

Move forward 15 yrs to 1985. I've been married now for 10 yrs, yep, married at 16. Fortunately I am still with my wonderful loving husband and it's now been 36 yrs this July.
At the time my two children were small, Lucas was 3 and Leah was 1. My only sibling, my brother, decided life was too hard, and committed suicide. I could NOT believe it!  There were no "warning signs". He was a very smart hardworking fellow with a great sense of humor. His wife had left him and he couldn't go on without her. It was that simple. (or complicated, not sure which). My mother had lost half her mind when my dad passed. Now THIS! She will lose it for sure! And she did..We both did ..We were hurt and angry. My mother is now 80 yrs old and has never truly recovered. I was so mad at my sister in law for quite a few years, actually until she also passed away at the age of 40 with ovarian cancer.  Even though my brother obviously made this decision all on his own..I was still mad ..at the both of them. What a selfish act! And my brother did not have a selfish bone in his body up until this point. The note he left said simply " Please Forgive Me". I'm not sure I have or ever will..It literally destroyed my mother. She's still alive at 80, but, she's not living. She gave up on that the day my brother took his life. Suicide not only takes the life of the taker, but also the lives of the family left behind are changed forever.

1994~ My dear sweet father in law who had in so many ways been like a father to me decided, life was too tough for him with kidney disease and facing daily dialysis, could barely walk with two knee replacements and battling diabetes, that he was going to refuse further treatment and leave it in God's hands. We all knew what that meant. In 7 days he was gone. 
I miss him so much! We had such wonderful talks..He made me feel loved. Wish both my dads were here to share their wisdom and love with my now grown children and grandkids. That would be awesome. But, in life, we experience death. And I know it won't stop anytime soon. At least not until the day that I am singing now take ME home sweet jesus..

I'm only 53 yrs old and I have seen it all already when it comes to death. My own father, my brother, my father in law, my sister in law, aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, friends, friends of friends, young friends of my kids ages, young children, old folks, teenagers! Accidents, suicide, drugs, disease and even murder. The works! How do we deal in this life with death?  I wish I knew...ya just do...RIP to all those we've lost..until we meet again..

On a brighter note..one sweet lady recently passed. She was an awesome woman. Only one way to describe Peggy and that is LOVE......For 80 yrs, she shared her love to everyone she met and no matter how hard it all got, she was still able to smile and say I love you...Priceless & Precious! She lived everyday to the fullest...Guess she REALLY understood Life and death...

On A Brighter Note..There's a Wedding in June..

We are having a slight warming trend , tho windy as heck, an overall beautiful day. The sun is shining bright and Spring is right around the corner.  I want to get better fast. My daughter is getting married in June and plans and details are still being worked out. I'd like to be a positive part of this very special happening.  My daughter Leah means so much to me. I love her dearly. She deserves the best wedding ever!

My Daughter-In-Law

I'm going to write a little on something that has been a life changing event for many of us in my family. My daughter in law was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer and a Partial Mastectomy followed right away. First, we heard the news, they rushed right into the surgery and she has been recovering from that for a couple of weeks. I don't see how she does it. A 36 yr old Mother of 4 and a good wife to my son, she is being strong and going with the flow better than I ever would have. It's Stage 2 with 1 Lymph node out of 10 involved. So, after some Chemotherapy, we are hoping this dreadful disease will be gone and stay gone! For her, it will be a lifetime of events surrounding this..After her diagnosis, her own Mother found the same problem. Praying for the best there as well.  I just wanted to say that I am so proud of she and my son both for the way they are handling this.
Their children have been so loving and helpful and other friends and family have been great.  Prayers, Food and other things have been contributed to try and lesson the pain of finding out about this disease and the discomfort of recovery. Thanks to all, tho I know no one will see this, I am still Thankful & Blessed. Thank you Dear Lord.

Dreary Day

Gonna write even though I don't feel like it. One day UP, the next day, Down. When will I ever level out?

Don't want a pity party, I know there are many women and men out there who are experiencing the same feelings.

I finally went to the Doctor the other day after avoiding the issues at hand for more than 10 yrs. I KNOW! Stupid! I am one of those types that tries single handedly to "fix" things in my life..Sometimes, it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Bouts of Depression are finally getting the best of me. I have now been prescribed meds for Depression and anxiety/panic attacks. Starting with a low dose and hoping for the best. Maybe in a few weeks, my serotonin will level out and I can leave all this behind.  I sure hope so, 30 yrs is quite enuff!

Meanwhile, I am getting those monkeys off my back, taxes that haven't been done, work that has piled up, bills that are left unopened and relationships that I need to improve on..


And so it goes...one day at a time sweet jesus..

Focus~ Back to the task at hand.

Seems I've been  :"away" again...but things are on the upswing!
Good things gonna happen this year!!
I've got some plans....now to just FOLLOW THRU!

Whirlwind Year!

Wow! Another Year has gone by since I've written! WTH? Geeze, just goes to show how time will slip by ya in a heartbeat! 
I feel like I am moving forward in my life for this past year. My mother had another fall with another injury, so, have been staying close, but, things are looking up. She's a bit stronger and I feel like I can relax a bit more for NOW. 
Looking back over the past year, there have been a few small bumps. It's been a SLOW GO for the most part. But, I do see and feel progress. Got a few monkeys off my back this year, things that were holding me back. I've been working towards  building a better Business and ridding myself of clutter (both headwise and housewise). Feels good..starting to breathe again. You just get so use to that "stuff" always being there, you don't even realize how it holds ya back in more ways than one. When ya begin to figure out what Really is important and what should take priority, it starts to come together, bit by bit. 
I'm just at a time in my life when I want to get it all straight, ya know..My relationships, my home and things that will be left behind when I pass on..All this matters more to me now than ever before. Each decade lived brings new chapters..The ending is still not clear, but, I'm getting prepared!  Get rid of the "junk" in your life and start anew! After all, tis a New Year AGAIN already!

NEW YEAR~ A NEW DECADE?

Normally, I wouldn't address the New Decade with a question mark. Approaching "SeniorLand", I do wonder. In the past few years, I've seen so many young people leave this life, much more than when I was growing up and the occasional accident happened and took a young life and mostly older folks got their age related or lifestyle diseases, and died in their 70's or 80's. But, NOW, you never know.  We recently had a younger member of the family to develop such problems, so quickly, that vital organs began to shut down, and infections set in, and wouldn't or couldn't respond to antibiotics, she died at the tender age of 34. She left behind a wonderful husband and two beautiful young boys, that, now must go on without their loving mother.  She wasn't "kind" to her body, but, it goes to show that we can certainly be here one day and taking life for granted, and the next day, be gone...forever. Life OVER. It seems like when I hit mid 40's, I started thinking about this, and now, that I am almost 52, I am really thinking about it..I'm definitely closer to my Life's end, rather than the beginning. Guess, it's time to THINK about it, huh?. My mother just had a 79th Birthday, other than a few minor things, she was very healthy until age 74, when it was discovered she had heart blockages, and Triple ByPass was performed. It changed her life..or she allowed it, not sure which. She became a totally diff. person after her surgery. Will talk more about it later. Point being, I really don't know WHO will survive this decade...So, will do some more thinking about THAT.
Happy New Year!!

Winters Coming! UGH!!

Last night, the frost of old man winter finally arrived..I hate it..Wish I loved all seasons, but, I do not..Not being able to afford gas for the heating system, the past few years, we have heated with our woodstove. Man, that's a job. We've done it off and on for 35 yrs tho, guess it helps to keep us healthy by cutting and hauling wood. Certainly helps to save a few bucks (alot, actually).
It's been a couple of weeks now since my Woman Within Training Weekend that supposedly changed my life. Most days have been good overall. Some haven't been so good. At Thanksgiving, I was nervous about company coming. There were a few "issues" surrounding the whole thing, but, will get into that later, when I feel it is appropiate.
I am more motivated than previous years and actually completed an art project. I took my old veneer top dining room table and completely revamped it, will post a pic. My focus on the business has improved. I am able to keep up now and get my orders out in a more timely matter. Business is slow, but I am thankful for what I have. The website is in need of some upgrading, hopefull soon, I will feel good enuff to work on that.
Til next time.....peace to all!

A New Beginning to The Rest of My Life..

I've taken a few days to absorb my "Woman Within" weekend.  The program was more than I ever expected.  I reclaimed my inner self~ bitch, witch, and crone energy abounds! I am so grateful that a friend recommended the self healing support that has turned my life from bleak at best, to bright shining sunshine. I had kinda dug a hole and practically jumped in and covered myself up. Due to reasons I will divuldge as I go along, my life thus far has been a whirlwind of emotion, never settling, and always regretful. Negativity and dread were the "normal" ways of starting my day.  I have always been seeking solutions, either thru traditional thearpy, talking with friends and family, self observation and analysis, and religious bouts, needless to say, to no avail, or either my relief was always short-lived. I, now, finally, TRULY have the tools within me to work towards being a better person. I took a deep look inside myself , realized the issues, dealt with them, and set them aside for good. This may not make much sense, but, I'll sort it out...Tis GOOD to be back....

Calm After The Storm

I am finally settling down , am not quite as nervous as I was earlier in the week. I think, with the death of a young friend and the anxiety and excitement of my upcoming journey just about got the best of me.  I just haven't felt well, mentally or physically. There has definitely been an unusal amount of dread in the air.  Maybe my "Woman Within Weekend" is just what the doctor ordered and right on time on all counts.
For the next 48-72 hrs., I will be focused on "Me" and that is something I have not been use to for quite a few years now. It's always the hub, the mom, the gkids, the kids, the business, the house, the yard, the garden, the cars, the groceries, the this, the that. And don't get me wrong, I love doing all of these things, but I must admit sometimes I get lost in what I am doing and why or who I am and the real reasons for WHY AM I HERE?..and what's truly important when it all boils down to it. Why I am so upset about this little thing and so nonchalant about something I should have given more thought. I'm at the point, that I do not feel quilty about doing something for me this time. I feel good about it and finally realize it is a necessity. I have decided to face my depressive tendencies head on thru Real help and Guidance rather than tackling it alone and never arriving anywhere. Stuck in the mud, TIME TO GET OUT!  See, there is that MicroscopicGleam again..Thank God...I'll know soon if I obtained the tools necessary to achieve my goal....Until next week..

Man What A Day~~

Sorry to Post the news today.. An exceptional woman and family member has passed on at the tender age of 34. Rebekah will be remembered for the love and compassion she always showed everyone she met. She was the very proud mother of two small boys, Ethan & John Everette, PLEASE pray for them as well as her high school sweetheart and husband of 13 yrs as well. He also lost his only sister to a brain tumor about two years ago. Only with the constant love from his family and the courage , strength, and faith from the good Lord above, will he manage. She also left behind 3 wonderful sisters (nieces and nephews who adored her) and her mother and father who I am sure are devastated. Please send up a prayer for the entire family. Tho Rebekah is gone from this life, her image will remain in our hearts forever.....One of a kind...

Microscopic Gleam

This will be a quick Post, cause I still have not made the Blog a priority, but, am thinking now is as good a time as any! One week from today, I will be attending a Women's Training Weekend and I truly hope it will change my life.

As I Blog, if you read it, you will get to know me or if the ultimate is achieved, I'll get to know me! That's right~ I am focusing on the Blog as a Self Help Tool at the moment..recording my thoughts and activities periodically, so I can look back AND forward and reflect AND progress. A Good way to talk it all out without the bored or hurried look on the face of a family member or friend.

What IS this World coming too??? I know I'm not very happy with what I see, hence, the name of my Blog, Microscopic Gleam.
Microscopic Gleam?, you say??
My Definition~ Straight from Katjack's Dictionary:
The tiniest ray of light, so small, one can barely see, but it's there off in the distance, just beyond reach, and the gleam is hope and truth..

without fear for any reason...

To be continued...
(I'll be adding pics to the madness soon)

I finally did it! The Blog is official! Welcome to Microscopic Gleam~